† AzuL nA NyeBeh †

totally pissed off!!!

2007-02-08T04:48:00Z

I am totally pissed off. I really don't know how to handle this. I know I'm a cast off but for the love of that there is good. hands off the things that are mine. I personalized that post so I have all the right to fucking use it. It
's not my problem if they don't have any station to use, the thing is hell i got first on that station and it should be the least of my fucking worries on where they would go at!!!! I'm so so agrivated. Fuck them!

Floating...

2006-11-08T07:56:24Z

I cannot say that I'm happy nor that I'm still being friendly with misery. So I'm somehow floating. Drifting from happiness to melancholy of sadness. I'm a bit happy since some one is trying to come back in my life. A bit gloomy because of certain issues welling up w/n my the four corners of my work place. I really cannot understand why do some people consider me as a competition, what more frustrates me is this people are my close friends. Guess, fear of betrayal still lingers in the depths of my soul. Sometimes I cannot understand myself, wether I want to be noticed or just remain as the little girl who nobody knows.

Though on the bright side the 13th month pay is near, that cheers me a lot. Finally I can purchase my own pen tablet and indulge my self in the thing I love to do most. CG art weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I guess I should be more cheerful.

stupid azul.... stupid

2006-11-04T04:49:52Z

*ghack* If there is a time in my life that I would love to kill my self is today. I know that this is not the first time. But today I did the most stupid thing that I a human being could do!!! rawr I hate myself. I forget his birthday for heavensake. HIS birthday, now isn't that something stupid. And my Kiriban for him is only 1/4 finished, damn and his birthday is today. TODAY goddamnit... now how in hell will I finish it.....
aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just a thought...

2006-09-14T07:30:54Z

sometimes i cannot help my self thinking, how simple the days were back then. during the times when i was just tsr. all i'm concern about is my stats, that's all. those things are easily to achieved, all they need are passing number. not un like now. now, i need to maintain my stats and also to deal the back whispers that iritate me day by day.

how i wish to be back during those times. how i wish i could

Stressed out...

2006-08-25T01:04:32Z

Yesterday was worst, today is terrible.

My love life is wretched now my work is slowly turning unto painful misery.

First, got scolded for having a petty argument infront the trainees. Damn, they told me that as a team we must show unity in front of other. Fuck it all up, bcoz my buddy --- duh can't call him my buddy though --- is so i-logical over the discussion for Quality. I mean for heaven sake, they are just trainees. Why couldn't he be a little lenient towards them. He reasoned out that we must not be lenient towards them, so when they hit the production floor, they will not be a bunch of headache, but still. THEY ARE NEWBIES. THEY ARE NERVOUS. AND THEY WILL NEVER DO SOMETHING NASTY ---YET--- SINCE THEY WANT TO IMPRESS. AND BOMBARDING THEM WITH A HORDE OF STUPID RULES. It's not right... It's not fair. Our wave had that treatment, I mean our QAR's was a little easy on us regarding the rules, and as an officer I do reckon that they too have that right.

Shit I'm to pissed off, that I want to smack him straight on the face.

Second, I will not be the one to get the sanctions, but my LEAD who knew nothing about the incident. That makes me feel guilty coz he knew nothing of the issue. And I knew to well how it feels to be sanctioned for something that you didnt do. It sucks big time. And to make matters worst, my lead would just say that it's ok. Don't let that thing bother me. It will slip out eventually. BUT IT BOTHERS ME AND I KNOW TOO WELL THAT IT WILL NOT SLIP OUT EVENTUALLY. I'm ranting again... shit... this is so frustrating. The moronic idiot is beside me right now and I'm having the urge to throw my clipboard and my avaya phone towards him.

Maybe I should just go down and smoke... or much better drown my misery over chocolate sundae. And when I get home I would definitely watch BLEACH again, and drown myself over Byakuya...

But still I'm pissed off

I should be happy right?

2006-08-24T09:37:40Z

They are back together, him and his "ex"...

Or maybe I shouldnt call her, his ex...

His now back with his girlfriend, the person that he love more. The reason why he cant give his love to me. I should be happy since he is happy right now. That's what I wanted to happen, that is what I keep on telling him when we are together. To go back to her, if that what keeps him happy, if that what he longs, what he wishes. Now they are back together, why couldnt I be happy for them. I should be...

And this emotions that is welling up inside me, are not the emotions that I should be feel. I shouldnt feel pain, jealousy and the inane urge to ask him 'WHY'. After all that's what I wanted right? For him to be happy.

I guess this normal... I'll be fine... I'll be okay...

Damn at least I could make my self believe those words...

I should be fine...

My Life...wretched...

2006-08-09T03:08:18Z

Joy, love, heartbreak, sorrow, hope, despair, anger
Tempo's of the alegro
Stance's of a broken heart
Cycle of the mad lady's heart
Who was resurrected and killed by the same alchemist

Joy she felt when she re-surfaced again
Love greeted her w/ the sight of her creators face
Heartbroken she was when another creation was made
Sorrow fell over when the she writhed w/ pain
Hope loomed over as a smile was casted her way
Despair grew w/ more smile was casted the other way

Anger deepened when neglect grew constantly
Pain, suffering, tears, hatred, agony, hopelessness
She knew no where to go
W/n the tangles of emotion
Confused and dazed she was
Pain was unbearable
SUffering welcomed her every day
Tears was endless
Hatred, how hard she tried to supress it
Agony came her friend
Hopelessness so sheer she no longer want to live again

Let me be, okay

2006-04-01T12:15:15Z

So what if I'm hiding again? It's my choice right. To hide what I feel, to hide all my sentiments. Why cant they just accept that I-am-the-kind-of-person-who-believes-that-some-things-are-better-left-unsaid??? And besides if I share to them all of my laments? Would they let me finish before they say na " Ano nanamang kadramahan yan?". Then she will tell everyone, that I am giving her another load of a headache [crappy grammar, I really should not write when I am this upset]

amf [excuses her self as she fills her room w/ all the profane words that she knows]... Okay I'm a little bit calm now. But still if they want me to come out they should wait till I'm sure that I can handle my self, so no what so ever commotion will occur.

wtf?!?!?

2006-02-12T04:46:20Z

Man, why cant some people just leave somethings unsaid? and now that everyone know his error, he would go and cry his self in front on the public and proclaim his self that he is innocent nad he said nothing like that?! Ow common, everyone know that all his snappy remarks ever since the tragedy occured are perfectly aimed at their rival station. I was really pissed w/ him yesterday as he gave his piece of mind at that cheap showbiz talk show.

I mean why cant just GMA leave ABC CBN, alone for a while. Why should they bother themselves to make the issue so damned sensational?! And the hell is on her "EXCELLENCY" mind to ask Senator Pangalinan's better half for a public apology or she'll sue her for a freakingly 3 million pesos. Crap, does she know what she is asking?! I mean common what is 3 million w/ the Cuneta Hieress. And what's w/ the rumor that she'll make sure that the station's of the Lopezes be damned close?! like hell that would happen. What is she? A Marcos wanna be?!

I'm really annoyed w/ the turn of events recently. I mean if they really feel sympathy towards the people who were victims of the tragedy. Instead of airing that the NBI would do this, would investigate that and this. They could just ask for donations right?! I'm not saying that each station should bury the hatchet... that's to much to ask, but I mean for the sake of the victims it's either they help or shut up.

Heck I think I'm really a kapamilya in a way... Yes, I guess I am. They shown many anime's that I love to watch. Too bad GMA got GTO (and what's w/ the ep w/ Tomoko last friday, they cut the best part amf). Speaking of anime, what's w/ ff.net pulling all my e x t fics at the same day... due to wrong rating?! I mean they should have emailed me that I need to edit them or they'll pull it out. Or at least they gave a little warning by removing one of the fics. So in that way I might have thought of editing some of them. Especially Winter Misery. But heck they didnt /pif

~merhiel

endless rants...

2005-12-01T11:04:12Z

why is it that whenever they say that they are happy for me. Their actions says the other wise. I didnt get repriminded at work. And when I told them that. They go like,

"okey so we wont see you again for a long time"

I was really upset with their words, I mean I'm always online. But is it my fault if I play a little earlier than they are. Or if our schedule doesnt match??? And now that I completed my equipments (again... sheeesshhh I hope I wont get hacked again), nobody seems to be pleased with it. Or am I just being morbid again.

And even if I want to watch my latest anime cd, I cant watch it cause my stupid computer crashed down. Maaaannnnnnnnnnnnn....

scared....

2005-11-23T10:00:54Z

I'm really troubled. I;m still thinking wether if I should still go to work or not. The thuing is I'm scared

I'm not scared because I know I did something wrong. I'm scared because I know I might cry. This is so frustrating. I really hate it. I mean who would want to get repriminded for a thing that you well know that you didnt do. It's frustrating as well as it is annoying. Because I know I didnt do anything, and yet I'm cowering right now. Tried to play r.o,to soothe my nerves a bit. But it didnt helped. how I wish thing could be as simple as this

my avatar has a less complicated life than I have. Wish my life could just be like her. But tough luck, I'm stuck in the real world

merhiel @ 2005-11-22T01:52:00

2005-11-22T05:55:44Z

I need help, I know I do. But now I need that, nobody comes to for my rescue. All of them are busy doing things I dont even know of.

I'm in big trouble as far as I know. I'm in the vestige of falling down from the place I worked hard to achieve. I dont mind falling, just as I know I deserve the fall.

And now I will get repriminded, for a thing I didnt do. Will he even help me to correct that mistake? or will someone come and comfort me.

As of now I'm very upset, frustrated even. I'm afraid too, I guess. Where are my guildsmate when I need them? I try to go online ,but not a single soul was there. Tried to use Y.M no one is available. Tried to call them, all of them are not home. I'm thinking to go to mega mall, hoping that I might stumble with who ever I know. But I guess that I will feel even more pathetic, that I am feeling right now.

Heck, I will even talk to j-kun or tainted. I will not even care if all they do is talk about games or any rubish things they usually talk about. I just need someone to talk to.

The Bridge of sighs, will crumble I know it will. And if that happens I dont know what I should do.

Where are you guys? Will you ever hear this unabashed plea?

It's been a long time...

2005-09-17T05:50:06Z

Hmmmnn... yep it's been a long time since I posted in here. Well nothing really important happened. My work is still the same, still hooked up with my station answering calls from either U.S or U.K. Nothing new.

Demo... just finished watching Gundam Seed Destiny episodes 17-36. Torrent seeding is a little bit slower nowadays (since G-Seed Destiny is already licensed >.<) Anyway it's a little bit interesting on how G-Seed destiny production staff launched an invisible assault against U.S

LOGO's huh? Nice one Kudos for you people. I'm not being sarcastic or anything. It's just that its really funny on how a simple anime can relate to the world's current issue's.

I was really laughing out loud when Dalandan err I mean Dulindal explained the logic of war when it comes to business minded people. I wonder what will Pres. Bush (or one of his people) will make out of that issue. But then again I doubt that. Heck what is an anime to them anyway.

Nonetheless, I'm not sure whether the fact about LOGO's is intentional or it is merely a coincidence.

Well maybe it is. Gachk! My morbid brain is over hyped again (bad grammar >.<) Linking the true motive of Bush in assaulting Bin Ladden with the True motive of LOGO's in assaulting a large scale war.

But honestly... nah never mind. I'm just being paranoid. Beside THAT issue is already closed, so I might as well leave it alone.

Back to GSEED Destiny. Why does those three have to die? I know the tradition of GSEED, I mean killing important characters and such... But why them *sobs*

The only bright side that I can make of that matter is that Shinn x Stellar will never push through. Weeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I really hope that Shinn would die too. That either Kira or Athrun will shook out from their reverie and kill Shinn mercilessly.But preferably I hope it would be Athrun, his good scenes are little compared to Kira and to that Baka Shinn. He haven't even drifted unto seed mode. Still basing from the episodes that I have watched and heard, Shinn to die, fat chances -_-

But I really hope that He would die. DIE SHINN! DIE

And also why is that whenever T.M Revolution seiyu's a character in GSEED, that character only last for a few episodes. Poor Heine, I guess he had the shortest acting career in gseed and gseed destiny combined.

It's been a long time...

2005-09-17T05:46:50Z

Hmmmnn... yep it's been a long time since I posted in here. Well nothing really important happened. My work is still the same, still hooked up with my station answering calls from either U.S or U.K. Nothing new.

Demo... just finished watching Gundam Seed Destiny episodes 17-36. Torrent seeding is a little bit slower nowadays (since G-Seed Destiny is already licensed >.<) Anyway it's a little bit interesting on how G-Seed destiny production staff launched an invisible assault against U.S

LOGO's huh? Nice one Kudos for you people. I'm not being sarcastic or anything. It's just that its really funny on how a simple anime can relate to the world's current issue's.

I was really laughing out loud when Dalandan eerr I mean Dulindal explained the logic of war when it comes to business minded people. I wonder what will Pres. Bush (or one of his people) will make out of that issue. But then again I doubt that. Heck what is an anime to them anyway.

Nonetheless, I'm not sure wether the fact about LOGO's is intentional or it is merely a coincedence.

Well maybe it is. Gachk! My morbid brain is overhyped again (bad grammar >.<) Linking the true motive of Bush in assaulting Bin Ladden with the True motive of LOGO's in assaulting a large scale war.

But honestly... nah nevermind. I'm just being paranoid. Beside THAT issue is already closed, so I might as well leave it alone.

Back to GSEED Destiny. Why does those three have to die? I know the tradition of GSEED, I mean killing important characters and such... But why them *sobs*

The only bright side that I can make of that matter is that Shinn x Stellar will never push through. Weeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I really hope that Shinn would die too. That either Kira or Athrun will shook out from their reverie and kill Shinn mercilessly.But preferably I hope it would be Athrun, his good scenes are little compared to Kira and to that Baka Shinn. He havent even drifted unto seed mode. Still basing from the episodes that I have watched and heard, Shinn to die, fat chances -_-

But I really hope that He would die. DIE SHINN! DIE

And also why is that whenever T.M Revolution seiyu's a character in GSEED, that character only last for a few episodes. Poor Heine, I guess he had the shortest acting career in gseed and gseed destiny combined.

Weird Day!

2005-09-07T14:29:32Z

I was strolling at UST just today... and guess what? when I entered the church there was this girl that looks like jhezzyca, at that moment two things startled me...

One is I was thinking that jhezzyca was inside a church without me dragging her alone...

Two is that I was in the vestige of tapping her shoulder and make her acknowldge my presence, when I vowed to myself that I would never ever talk to her again since that day. It was really surprising that I thought back then about doing that. Shoot I'm not making any sense >.< , my mind is still deranged

But the bottom line is I'm not sure if she was jhezzyca, coz I didn't tapped the girl's shoulder. I didn't do anything to make sure that she was indeed jhezzyca...

I wonder why hesitated at that time. Do I still hate her because hurted me in most painful way? Or was I simply afraid that I wouldn't be able to speak a single word to her. Well I guess that was it I was scared that I could not deliver all the words that I was able to lament on Sheb during those times that I was so angry at her.

I wish I could stop thinking if that girl is jhezz

but I couldnt

give me back my old shift...

2005-09-03T07:39:31Z

damn... I was positioned in a 9:00 am to 5:00 pm shift, And everyone i know are rejoicing since I wouldnt strain myself that much... that I don't have to wake and sleep like a vampire, that i could wake and sleep like a normal person does!

but the thing is i would PREFER my graveyard shift at work, I really mean it. I guess I'm more used in sleeping early mornings such as 8:00 am and such. I wish I could get used to this new shift that global sky gave me....

man I want the graveyard shift back...

....

2005-07-23T07:54:29Z

For the first time in my year long Naruto Worshipping, somehow I appreciated the Kaka-Iru tandem... man if only lolo Kishimoto had drawn Iruka the way Aqua did then probably I wouldnt hesitate to love that pairing.

But then again Aqua is EVIL, really evil! *glomps Aqua*. Wish my artistic skill can be like her someday!

WTF!

2005-07-02T13:37:25Z

whose bright idea was it to make one of the guitierez twins to look like neji hiyuga! Paksyet naman everytime I see the trailer of "Sugo" at GMA 7 I cant help but to shiver and utter all the imaginable profane words that I know....

Grabe ang babuyin daw ba si Neji amfness

And as azmosis implied ASA SILA NA MAKUHA YUNG NEJI APPEAL!! NEVAAAAAAH!!

and that though.. i mean... shet, naka -wig siya, for christ's sake. wig. na pwedeng matanggal anytime. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahk.... indefinite p yung hairline kc inaalis yun, mukha tuloy siyang basang sisiw

local networks nowadays doesnt seem to have a single thread of originality. And to think of it na hindi sa GMA 7 pinalalabas ang Naruto!

Wala namang masaya sa paggaya, just as long na hindi mukhang trying hard yung nangagaya.

grabe na toh yaaaaaaaaccccccccccckkkkkk talaga!

man...

2005-06-29T10:40:32Z

I was called by our chairperson 8 in the morning, and he wishes for me to go to our school. The Reason? I'm subjected to make a mural in preparation for the upcoming history week.

I really don't mind making one. But the thing is one I'm no longer a valid student of the school, two they didn't asked me nicely to do it like I'll be forever punished if I wont make one and three some stupid adamsonian annoyed me to core.

He kept on babbling that He wasn't satisfied on my draft, that he thinks that if the college pays me it would be better than what i showed them.

Why is that some people thinks that artist only vies for money? And because the job is only a pro bonno type of work, the artist won't make it as best as she could.

In the end I didnt finished the mural I gave the faculty a cock and bullshit that I was only allowed by my aunt to stay up until lunch at school. Off course my classmates (who were also summoned) didnt believe a single word in it. Since all of them knew me to well. They kept on snickering that the original Barbarela is back.

Anyways off course I didnt head home, I went straight to the gates after raiding the streets of Quiapo to find CD's of Battle Royale. But I didn't found any.

Old Habits never die

2005-06-14T05:20:40Z

Crap! okey shoot me coz once more I was sucked again by gravity....

I'm once again hooked at ragnarok online, played six straight hours last friday, played straight eight hours the suceeding day. Even managed to pursue sao-kaasan to not too attend her classes so as she'll join us playing at billsgate (I'm an evil friend)

I'm not even drawing naruto fanart's lately (I have six pending request) but my mind is so focused in Ragnarok graaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh....

Now I promised that I'll only play 2 hrs... but 3 hrs has already passed, I'm heading for my 5th hour here at the shop...

Graaahhhhh.... I'm gonna kill myself

merhiel @ 2005-06-07T06:37:00

2005-06-06T14:20:28Z

got this quizzes from reen-tot and boy was I surprised when I got my japanese name XP

Your Japanese Name Is...

Shirou Neji

What's your Japanese Name?

0.0 okay sanae_y you can kill me now XP

The Ring

2005-05-31T12:56:32Z

I was browsing in deviantart and found this one. I really laughed at this deviation

P.S By the way I didnt do this one I think the one who made it is christenlanger ^^, just posted for sharing

Fun!!!

2005-05-31T12:13:44Z

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT TEASING A HALF IRRITATED AND HALF HORNY NEJI FAN GIRLS COULD BE SO AMUSIN *rolls on the floor laughing out hard*

anyways got this from kyteaura

You Are The Key Character
"It's what I was meant to do."
You are the true enigma. No one knows much about you, you do not understand much of yourself, and your life seems to carry no purpose. Yet regardless of everything around you - everyone knows that you are here for some reason, even if no one yet knows what that is. Things seem to simply fall into place for you. Almost as though some force is working either through you, for you, or around you. No matter your troubles, ou have been sent here to unlock something. This is your destiny.

Which Classic Story Role Do You Play?
brought to you by Quizilla

Princess???

2005-05-29T13:32:15Z

stole this from kyteaura

Your Stripper Name is: Princess

Get your own Stripper Name

am i supposed to be pleased with this or the other way around? I think i like kyte's name more

merhiel @ 2005-05-26T21:11:00

2005-05-26T13:16:11Z

So what if they are first hand cousin's, so what if it's called incest. Hell, why cant people just go on their own and stop flaming at their unwanted pairings

Dont they ever heard the rule that if you dont like the pairing, dont read it.

And in the first place we multiplied through incest. Eve fucked with Adam, Cain and Abel was born. When Cain killed Abel, he screwed his mother up. Heck Both Cain and Adam may have screwed both their own daughter's and grandaughter's to be exact

So why do people make the incest thingy go damned sensational